I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
