since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
