I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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