peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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