Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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