Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize