You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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