Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
