He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
