how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
