We won't sleep together?
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
