why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
