Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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