Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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