No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
