Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
