i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize