what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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