she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Randomize
