I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
