If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
