she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
