saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so let's talk penis.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
