Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
