Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
