I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Never underestimate the power of titties
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
