I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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