my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
