Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
