we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
