Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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