grandma shit on top of the toilet
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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