i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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