1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
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