Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
