sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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