sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
