My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
