Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize