Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize