well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
please come you make the beer taste better
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
