I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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