Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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