If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
