I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize