even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
