i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize