I wish they made helmets for livers.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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