I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize