we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
