called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
