My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i think my cat just said my name.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
