If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
