Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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