You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
