i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Randomize
