Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
