So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
