apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize