your parents love me but you hate me
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
