you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
