My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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