Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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