cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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