I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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