every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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