God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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