I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
