I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If that was your dad, he is hot
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
