don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just high enough for therapy.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
