Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
