Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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