All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
