for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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