No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
